Get You Through the Day

“Ah, I forgot my lunch this morning.”

“I very rarely eat lunch.”

“Really? Why not?”

“Well I hate buying it for one thing..”

“Oh and you hate carrying things too.”

“Yeah, so I’ll usually fill up on a good breakfast to get me through the day, but I’m usually pretty hungry by dinner.”

I overheard this conversation about 3 minutes ago as two middle-aged men gathered at the MARC exit door to Rockville station. I’m not sure if they were friends or just frequent riders. The conversation was simple, but revealed so much more about the man who was just sitting next to me in the seat too small for the both of us. It made me think about the way he makes decisions and prioritizes things in his life. When he first said he didn’t each lunch, I figured it would be followed up with some statement about being too busy because I saw him dialing away at emails on his blackberry earlier. I thought lunch was another one of those in the way steps of feeling accomplished in our to do list driven lives. His reasoning was simple really, but it’s the “to get me through the day” part that sparked my interest.

Breakfast would be his first and last meal until dinner to get him through his day. Whatever he ate that morning would have to hold him through the day because that was the decision he made from cost and comfort. Does he put extra thought into his breakfast? Does he think before pouring a mediocre sized bowl of Cheerios will this get me through my day?

What gets you through your day? I don’t mean what meals or snacks do you consume to provide that physical energy, but what gives you that spark to get through another day that could be just like the other?I know everyone in student affairs says no day is alike, but I mean really they are. We aren’t really that special. What gets you through the monotony of your fifth committee meeting where nothing seems to get done? What gets you thorough that boring one on one where you just want to through your hands up and walk out? It’s crazy to think how often people’s professional lives are eight hours of “getting through” until they can work resume their personal life or vice versa.

I’m reading this book that talks about how to live a happier life blah blah and it talks about how your work and personal life shouldn’t be separate. You should bring the same passions to your work as your do your personal. What you do for work is serving your organization and those impacted, while what you do for home is serving and providing for you family. No matter the location, it’s all service driven by some passion. If you don’t love your personal or professional or really what should be the marriage of the two, maybe think about reconsider what you’re doing to get through the day.

In a perfect world, everyone would be in their dream career with their dream lives. That may not always happen to the tee, but there are ways you can influence your life to do more than just get through the day, but actually embrace and enjoy your day. It’s always the little things that make me remember why I love what I do and who I am. It’s the little Facebook notes or emails. It’s the little laughs or moments I want to punch someone in the face. There are things that get me through the day beyond waiting for it to be over. If you can’t find this is in work, take on a new hobby or a new pet. We are charged with keeping our lives rich and fulfilled, so do something to spark your inner child and do more than just get through the day.

What Are You Wearing On Your Face

So everyone says your clothes tell a lot about you right? Or something like that. What you put on says a lot about your style, the way you carry yourself, what you do for work, your age or lifestyle, and several other things. We spend our mornings picking out the perfect pattern and ironing in the perfect crease or some of us pick up the closest thing on the floor. Regardless, we spend some intentional (ugh, student affairs) time thinking about what’s going on our body. We think about what it might communicate and if it’s appropriate for the occasion. It matters, right?

Well what about what we wear on our face?

And I don’t mean make up.

I’m sitting on the train right now and looking at all the faces. Many of the faces I see are sleep, blank, engulfed in an electronic device or newspaper, staring into the distance, and only one on the whole train is engaging in conversation with a stranger. As people get up to exit the train, their faces turn to a dark “it’s Monday” look as they finish their commute to their destination. As the line gathers near the exit door, not a single smile comes across the busy commuter’s faces. What are you wearing on your face? What does your face communicate?

It seems like the art of dialogue is a dying talent. A train well over 50 people and there is only one conversation, that I can hear, occurring. Now, I’m blogging so I should slap myself on the wrist, but think about it…what did people actually do before we became so distracted? Did people talk to other people before they got lost in the faceless screen of our addictive cell phones? Did people drag their feet to work with a look of death on their face? Did people shy away from the person that looks like they talk too much?

I know I’m guilty of it. I’m sure my face is communicating some young adult typing away the latest rap song on Facebook (HA! they’re wrong. I beat the system). But think about it. What does your face say about you? Are you smiling and embracing the time and space you have around you or are you blankly walking to the next step on your to do list? You never know if you have that last smile that could make someone’s day. As corny as it sounds, someone might be depending on your smile.

It’s unrealistic to walk around ear to ear everyday, but why not give it a try once in a while. I just looked up at a lady and smiled as she exited the train and she quickly looked down in a nervous glance at the same shoes she put on this morning thinking…is this lesbian looking at me? Lol ok, maybe I’m being dramatic. It just blows my mind that a friendly gesture, a simple smile makes people uncomfortable or unwilling to do as we have the greatest opportunity each day– living.

Think about your face today. Who’s smiling at you as you nervously
look away? Yes, it’s you they are looking at, not their long lost grandmother, so smile back and say hello. You could be that first or last hello of their day. Imagine if you were the first person someone opened their mouth to to speak today. What if there isn’t someone at home to say good morning to them? Be that person today.

My Mother’s Two Phone Calls

So I heard from my mom two times today. The first time I was at dinner with Israel and Amanda around 5:00pm. The conversation went like this

“Hey uh Brittany. Now I’m not trying to be your blog…okay no let me start with something positive”

She then asked about 5 random uninterested questions about my day and got to her point

“Okay this isn’t anything to joke about but this morning I went downstairs and saw my decorating pillow all smashed and balled up in the chair. It was all tore up and unkempt. Then I looked on the chaise lounge and saw your laptop, books, socks, and all your junk. I’m telling you I’m not going to live like this. This is making me very uncomfortable. Now you can blog all you want, but this weekend we are getting it and you aren’t going to destroy my clean house again.”

Okay mom. Now I didn’t interrupt any of this because I was on hour 10 of an 15 hour day. Instead I smiled thorough the phone and kindly agreed. Mind you, she’s very polite while saying all of this.

So hour 15 rolls around and I’m home. I come in complaining about being tired and she nods along uninterested. Finally I say goodnight and head to my room.

She waits 10 minutes. She calls my cell phone. She calls my cell phone and says

“Now I’m not going to bother you about this, but that basement. When you came home that basement did not look like that. I really don’t appreciate it Brittany. I asked you not to do that. I don’t like it and I want it cleaned. Now I’m not saying tonight, but tomorrow you need to fix that. You didn’t come home to it like that.”

No wonder why she was uninterested in my day. That was on her mind and she wasn’t going to be at ease until she said something. I’m confident she thought about that all night until I got home.

I can’t make this stuff up.

The Best Part of the Work Day: Driving Home

So I’ve lived on campus forever. Well not forever, but since I’ve been out of my parents house. Most of my jobs I’ve had have been on a college campus, so I’ve never had a real commute. I would go to work and go back to my dorms. In high school, I would go to work and my parents would come pick me up. With this internship, I wake up at 6:40, shower, get dressed, catch the MARC train at 7:36, sleep until we arrive, and rush to the office by 8:30am. When I’m coming home, I leave the office at 5:00pm to rush to the train by 5:15. It’s all a rush. It’s all moving quickly and try to not look like a tourist shuffle. Today’s commute went a little different once I got off the train.

Today was the first time I realized, I’m driving home from work.

The calm of sitting in my car, driving my own speed, taking my own time, and being free to my own thoughts and not racing the clock to the next train was breathtaking. As I passed Gunner’s Lake coming home, I was so tempted to pull over and just sit in that moment for a second. I’m not really that extra deep “everything is a teachable moment” person…actually I hate those people..but this was incredible. The best part of the work day is that drive home. You get that chance to reflect on your day and what’s coming for the evening. You get to experience the excitement of who you’re coming home to. Granted, I’m the first one home so I was coming home to myself, but I couldn’t resist the joy of knowing within an hour the rest of my family would join me. It was the sigh of knowing okay next I’m going to go the gym then come home and eat dinner. It was also the freedom to know that I could change those plans as I wanted to. It’s that little moment where you think about something from your day that brings a smile on your face again. I thought about decorating our cubicle with the other interns and couldn’t help but smile.

Amelia looks so proud.

I can only imagine what that drive is like for parents. I can only imagine the thrill of knowing your going to the local daycare to pick up your Crayola paint covered kids or the proud rush of navigating through traffic to get to Susie’s soccer game. I don’t know that feeling yet, but it’s one I can’t wait to experience it. I can’t wait to tell my co-workers that Thomas got sent out of class again just like his mom used to (ha! the things I’m proud of). I can’t wait to go home to the ones who I love and love me back.

I received a text on the way home asking how my day went and I couldn’t wait to get home and tell her all about it. It was a good day and that car ride was my chance to think about how good of a day it was and all the things I wanted to tell her. It was the time for me to think about what she did today and what stories she could share with me. It was a quick drive home, but in that time alone, I was able to process a day of memories and a mind full of thoughts and insights from my experiences.

What do you think about on your drive home? Are you missing these moments because you aren’t enjoying what you’re doing prior to your drive enough? Think about what you’re coming home to and get excited. Whether you’re driving, walking, bussing, or carpooling home, it’s great to have that short time to say ahhhhh today I did something amazing in my place of work or my school and now I get to go home and spend that time with loved ones (yourself included).

I’m spending my time sitting crisscross applesauce in my underwear with a fan blowing on me. Why? Because that’s what I want to do!

Amelia wants you to watch this youtube video. She doesn’t know yet, but we are going to reenact it.

This is just the beginning of our decorating

We also made cubbies today! Amelia and Matt are quite the interior designers….

Matt is a really good counter.

Today was all about office cleanup. It was fun. We stapled, collated, counted, and other crazy stuff. #NASPAInterns. It’s great though. We had a lot of fun…a lot of laughs. I cannot complain. It feels great to be here. We also got to participate in the staff meeting which was cool. It’s cool to send the behind the scenes machines that make everything happen. There’s always a face and a heart behind work that you take for granted. Tomorrow we are going to the National Conference for College Women Student Leaders at College Park! Yeahhhhhh NASPA Conference fun.

STFU Brittany: Shake it Up

“You keep up too much noise. Don’t you see how quiet we are around here? *points to the hallway* Do you sit up in your apartment and make noise like that?” Mother

“If I want to.” Me

“Well, that’s stupid.” Mother

So my Mom always complains that she is too old now for a bunch of noise. Whenever my brother and I play fight or sing loudly, she goes into this big speech about how her nerves can’t handle that. Oh and don’t dare go in her bedroom making a bunch of noise, that’s an immediate get out.

Now I like being respectful and all, but sometimes you just gotta shake things up.

I like to shake things up at home, work, with friends, at the bar, wherever. Why stick to the monotony of life? So often we get stuck doing just this and just that, that life becomes just living. Life is the single longest thing we do, so why only just do it. Shake it up, do it to the fullest.

When we’re “just” doing something were only doing it because we feel there’s some responsibility for us to do it or we are making it less than what it really is. I’m just a graduate so I can’t do this and that. I’m just going to work because I have to earn a wage. If we defeat the just and simply do things for pure enjoyment, imagine how much more fulfilling our lives could be.

If we shake things up and genuinely do things with purpose and fight the just, imagine how much more of an impact we could have. Do something out of your daily 9 to 5 just to shake things up and say BOOM I still got it. Do that crazy thing your partner thought didn’t exist past the honeymoon phase to shake things up. If we don’t keep ourselves refreshed and shake things up in our lives, life becomes more than the longest thing we do, but also the most boring thing we do.

My mom will tell me to be quiet everyday this summer, but I won’t. My house is generally quiet and boring. Everyone is old and in their own routine. Not I. I’m home and everyone will know. Shake it up!

People always talk about how loud I am. Well that’s me. It’s not that I like being the center attention, who am I kidding– yes I do, but I like to live loud. I’m not saying everyone has to be an extrovert, Lord knows (thanks TED) we need our introverts, but it’s so important to live you and live it loud. Live it loud for everyone to see. Your personality should never been someone’s dealbreaker that sends you through a cycle of self-defeating thoughts.

I’m really the love or hate me kind of person. I’m annoying, I know this. The folks who can’t deal with me, that’s fine! It’s completely fine! It’s not going to make me change who I am. If you don’t live out loud and live beyond the “just” what is the point? I mean there is a point, but don’t disvalue your life and downplay yourself. You’re incredible already.

First Day of the Next Eight Weeks

So today started my journey with NASPA. Like the typical excited kindergartener, I laid my first day of work outfit out to go along with my new fancy work backpack. I spent the last part of my evening getting some wonderful well wishes then parted ways with a goodnight to begin a goodnights rest. Well, that is exactly opposite of what I got. I was home alone and waiting for my brother to arrive. He never did, so I tossed and turned all night. I guess that isn’t important.

My mom called to wake me, ha typical, and I began my morning swag routine. Two splashes of Old Spice in the loofa, a little Aveeno on my chocolately brown face, topped with my featured scent that my swag refuses to name. One windsor knot tie later, I was out the door to start the internship that is half of the inspiration for this blog. I hopped in Harold (my beautiful Scion) and drove to the MARC train. I wasn’t sure what to expect, so I followed everyone else. Typically, I got lost in DC but eventually found the office as my swag was now drenched in DC humidity sweat.

Walking in the office felt like NASPA Annual Conference reunion. I was warmly greeted by Tiki and Tonya (sounds like a show) to begin the day full of Brittany jokes. Of course, they had stuff to say about me being ovedressed and I begged to differ each time.

It’s funny. It was my first day and I am already labeled the problem child. During our office tour, Tonya told the other interns “if it breaks, blame Brittany.” Dag. First day, I’m already the butt of the office jokes. Tiki joked with Tonya saying that I said I wasn’t scared of her and I so modestly replied I’m not even scared of my parents. We all know thats’s true. It was good feeling that we belonged and were welcomed.

We went through a long day of orientation and new people stuff, but all very helpful.

There’s three other interns.

Queena….graduate student from Vermont. We were roommates at conference. She’s a Cali girl.

Matt…just graduated from from Urbana Champaign. Really happy exciting kind of guy. Definitely could be a summer bro.

Amelia….rising junior at North Florida. She was pretty quiet in the beginning, but actually very funny. She had some good one liners.

Then there will be some random folks joining us. So that’s the little team. The “summers” as NASPA affectionately calls us.

This week we will be traveling in Harold to UMCP to help with the National Conference for College Women Student Leaders. We have to be there by 7:00am Thursday and I’m not done until 9:30pm. Ahhh #naspaproblems. It should be cool going. We will be going to the Newseum! Right on!

Anyways, my first day went really well. I’m excited to see what this summer has in store. I have tomorrow’s outfit all laid out, sans tie since that’s all I heard about today. The heat up here is ridiculous. Not a fan. Ha I need a fan. Ha, no drizzy drake. Okay bedtime.

Friends. How Many of Us Have Them.

(I hate this black man.)

So Patrick and I are doing this blog thing together. When we both post a new one, we send the other an exciting text announcing our newest blog. I read Patrick’s today where he made this comment about me…

“My new sister is Britt. She is not impressive in any way, shape, or form, (LOL). She’s a pretty cool kid sister.”

Ha! We have this friendship where we shut each down in the most uplifting ways. In less than an hour he called me unimpressive and mocked my speech impediment. Yet, his friendship is one that I truly have valued since I’ve been at Virginia Tech. He’s an older guy, so I can go to him for wisdom about my failed relationships or to give me the stop sign when I’m about to lose my cool at the bar. When we met, we both had this awkward Martin Lawrence sigh of relief saying ahhh another black person. This is not to discredit my friends of other races, but there is something about the kinship that happens with someone who looks like you.

But this post isn’t all about Patrick, it’s about the amazing thing that happens when two people become friends.

I have a lot of friends. I’m not trying to sound like a pompous asshole, but I do. I have a lot of friends because I really enjoy those little moments you feel when a friend blows your mind. This could be anything from watching them perform to hearing some unintentionally clever thing they said. The joy my friends give me is irreplaceable. I have friends I can laugh with, study with, drink with, talk about life with, and anything under the sun. I’m not always the best friend, but I like to think there are generally good intentions behind my friendships.

I like for my friends to know my struggles, my issues, and the things that make me crazy. I don’t fear this being open knowledge because I’m confident that my friends don’t use this against me, but as a means to help me reach my next rung on my rope ladder. Patrick makes fun of my stutter all the time. All the time. Patrick also knows my dreams of being a speaker. While my stutter could make that a little difficult, he still lifts and builds me up through the jokes and encouragement. It’s the comedy of friendships that sustains them and lifts us up in ways we might not think about. I could be sensitive about it, but no… It is funny. So embrace it and laugh at it.

I wish I could write a note to all the friends who have impacted me in some way with a memory and a message of gratitude. I wish I could go back to the days of freestyling in Pocomoke with David Hutchinson, falling asleep within 10 minutes at Ashley Bayton’s house, hanging out in the Safeway shopping center with Katie Lubet and Sarah Morin, Britt talks with PJ Boggio, Flower Valley pool with Meghan Moritz, having deep talks in Chester with Beverly Luckett, playing softball with the Dizzy Bats, Arts and Crafts with Jess Wilson, singing with Powerfied Youth, talking on the phone with Mounir Bouterfa, and hanging out in Red Square with the Flexies. All these memories in such a short period can only speak for a lifetime of friendships I hope to make and keep. In the words of Brad Paisley, I live for little moments like that. But really I do. I live for those little things and smiles. I live for the laughs and hugs. If this short 23 years is a preview of a lifetime, sign me up.

Message that person you met at orientation. We have all these friendships, but let them go to waste when we get so busy with life. Spend some time on the playground swings (It’s quite fun. Patrick and I did last week. He made the whole swing set shake.) and think about all the valuable people you have in your circle. Your biggest fan is probably the person you never think to think about. The time you spend beating yourself up, one of your friends is wishing they were half the person you are. Smile for yourself and your friends. It’s at least worth a try.

My House, My Rules

So this morning, I’m sleeping like the precious angel I am. Mind you, I no longer have my own bedroom, so I settled for the couch. The mornings that my mom carpools to work, she comes and sits in her “waiting chair.” Yes, she named it her waiting chair. I’m a decently heavy sleeper, so this usually doesn’t bother me. So she sees me sleeping, looks at me for a second, and makes a statement.

“I know you aren’t sleeping on my good decorating pillow. Don’t you see that’s not a pillow for sleeping? Go get one of those raggedy pillows and sleep on that.”

So, instead of arguing about what pillow is meant for what, I removed it from under my head. It’s a pillow, me sleeping on it isn’t going to do anything. So, I went back to sleep. Two minutes later, I hear the tv turn on. Mind you, I am asleep. She turns it up and casually watches while checking email on her new cell phone that she won’t let me see. I’m feeling a little bold so I get up and turn it down.

She looks at me like this and says

“Now how do you think I’m supposed to hear that.” She rolls her eyes, turns it up, and continues about her business.

Once again, I lose.

Charlotte will always make the rules and regulations for this house. What she says goes. We are expected to abide or well get over it. No exceptions. I asked her if I could make a simple rule and that was that she doesn’t repeat things over and over again. She said this is her house, I don’t get to make any rules.

Well, that’s how life operates I’ve learned. We go from place to place, system to system and have to learn their rules of the game. We have to learn the “Virginia Tech way” or the “McDonald’s way.” When we don’t, we get left behind. We ridicule the system for being unfair or not caring about its members. We criticize and settle for discomfort until a new opportuntity presents itself. When we don’t learn the rules of the game, we become that awkward player that eventually doesn’t get picked for the team anymore. We become that person that is consistently unhappy. We become that person who everyone says “finally” when he or she announce his or her departure.

Now, I’m not a big one for “rules” and all that, but I’m going to credit that to me being a young and dumb graduate student. However, I do know that you have to get in where you fit in. There are some things I did at Salisbury that aren’t going to fly at Virginia Tech. I had a lip ring all summer at Coastal Carolina while serving in a professional role– they loved it! When I wore it at Virginia Tech, I was looked like this by several people. It’s not that it made me less of a person, it just didn’t fit into their rules of the game. No one told me to take it out, but I felt this discomfort, so I did something about it. I took it out and adapted. To me, this wasn’t changing who I was. To me, this was me making sure that I didn’t let something as simple as a lip ring disvalue me as a new person to the people who would quickly form an uninformed opinion about me.

There will always be a few things that are worth shaking or challenging the “rules” a little bit, but chose those carefully. For example, I want a pet. Professionals at VT can have pets, but grads cannot. While I’m sure I don’t understand all the context behind why we cannot, I consistently ask and voice my reasons why I believe I should be allowed to have a pet. Challenging the rules doesn’t mean going out and buying a 50lb dog to make a point. That would just be foolish AND I might lose my job. But working within the system and challenging the rules means appropriately advocating for my concerns, but recognizing at the end of the day there is a reason behind the rule. Will not having a dog change my experience? No, but I’d still like one and feel like I have the support to voice that when appropriate to the appropriate people. For me being probably the most inappropriate person, I sure am saying appropriate a lot.

Rules exist for a reason and it’s probably best to learn them before you try to break them. My director of Housing & Residence Life taught me a valuable lesson when she said she would first get a lay of the land for six months before making any major decisions. Sometimes we just have to sit back and learn the rules of the game before pulling up a seat at the table. If we don’t, well we’ll see how far we make it. You gotta get in where you fit in.

In another post or so, I’m going to contradict this entire thing and talk about when rules interfere with passion and prevent upward growth and creativity. That’s wall you call danger. For now, know the rules and proceed with caution. Next, break all the rules and get the naysayers on your team. Not really, but it’ll make more sense later.

Let me go find an appropriate pillow and go back to sleep.

Which One Does Not Belong In This Picture: People Watching

(my fancy new library card, cost me $2 for a replacement!)

So in the bordem of sitting at home all day, I decided to go to the library and check out some books for summer reading. I wasn’t sure if I even had a library card anymore or if I was hundreds of dollars in library debt from overdue books. All that aside, I tried anyway. Up and down the aisles I went searching for those “student affairsy” books all the top dogs read. Well not really, because this is a public library with little interest in student affairs. However, I was looking for some of those rocket ship button pressing books. I found a few, but most of all I found people.

I found the many different people that occupy the Germantown Branch of the Montgomery County Public Library system. I found old men reading casually in soft seats with their balding heads exposed to the flourescant lights. I saw a middle-aged man playing some RPG on the public computer. I saw kids running into each other and their parents over the excitement of checking out a stack of books. I saw an older woman waiting in the lobby for her ride or the local bus. I saw a grandfather with his head tilted back in the chair asleep while his grandson (assumption) read quietly next to him. I saw people.

Being constantly surrounded by “college folk”, I forgot what it is like to see just people. I’m so used to seeing students, colleagues, teachers, and the like that I forgot what it was like to just be a person in a library. Even when I go to Walmart, I see my students and local fans or constituents of Virginia Tech. At school, I’m a student, a hall director, a supervisor, a this and that, but in the regular world I’m just a regular person. Not that these roles are anything significant, but they still hold that awkward green diamond from the Sims over my head. When I walk across campus, I can look at people and box them into a major, academic year, career path, and student organizations. While I’m at the library, I can only look at them as a person.

In academia we play so many roles and wear so many hats and sometimes forget we are still just people. Outside of the comfort of our familiar campus, the world sees us as a person. In the library, our education, position, and different accolodaes all go out the window. At first glance, someone might look at me and think I might not even be able to read. It’s like on the campus we constantly wear our graduation cords, stoles, and hoods without even knowing. The freshman looks a certain way, while the VPSA looks another. Once we walk into the local Kroger, we are just that person looking for the 2% milk while clearly in the 1% section.

So my challenge this summer is just to be a person. I want to be a person on the metro beginning my 9 to 5 day and not Brittany the hall director. I want to engage with people because they’re a person, not a resident of my building. I want to talk to someone who can share the details of their profession because they are actually still passionate about it and not apart of a system of semantics. I want to meet people who don’t understand or even know what I do with my life. I want to be just like that old man with his cap off reading a paper.

If we get back to appreciating just being a person, I think maybe we can work on that person versus the person we feel we have to be because of our roles. I’m not saying most people don’t have this right already, but so often, especially in this field, we become our work. We become the job description and the resume to where we lose the name at the top of the resume. I hope this summer to learn more about Brittany the person, so that when I do go to my next step they are hiring Brittany and not Brittany with x experience. I want people to engage with Brittany and judge me the way I did at the library.

I’m going back tomorrow.

Life’s Little Deal Breakers

I hadn’t even been home for 12 hours before I got my first complaint from my mom. I called her at work to ask her a question. The conversation took an unexpected turn. She started with “I have a few concerns.” In my mind I’m thinking what the hell did I do already? So being the sweet daughter I am, I said “what’s up, mom?” She said “did you leave the dining room chair out?”

What, lady? You are concerned about a chair being pulled out. I promise, she was serious as a heart attack. Let me show you exactly what her “concern” looks like.

She said it was bothering her all morning and she can’t live like that all summer.

A chair. A chair is my mother’s deal breaker.

Well, it made me think about what are my deal breakers in life. What are the things I absolutely cannot go for? I think it’s important to have those deal breakers. Whether it’s in a relationship, a job, a job search, or even buying a car, you should always be prepared with a list of deal breakers. It reminds me of the second years job searching. In the beginning many of them were restricted to certain jobs, institution types, regions, benefits…their deal breakers. However, once April and May rolled around, those deal breakers started to go away. Of course, life throws you curveballs and you have to adjust as necessary, but what are those things that are non-negotiable?

For my mother, me not pushing the chair in all summer is a non-negotiable. Would she put me out? Well, I don’t know about all that, but she was passionate about it enough to say no way Jose.

I guess with every juncture in our life we set some expectations and hopes of what to get out of it. With that comes those deal breakers. I think it’s important to create realistic deal breakers and stick to them. Not everything can be a deal breaker, but it is worth having some to be able to say in the words of my friend Patrick Jones, “I can’t, I won’t.”

Breaking a deal breaker doesn’t necessarily mean walking away, but maybe evaluating the situation and your expectations and determining if that is truly your “fit.”

I hate when any partner of mine burps in front of me. I’ve told every partner in my past that. Is that an unrealistic deal breaker? Hmm probably. But, lying…oh that’s an automatic deal breaker because I know that I already struggle with trust. From the birth of that lie on, it would be difficult for me to believe anything else. That would be too uncomfortable for me to sustain a healthy relationship…equal signs deal breaker.

What are your deal breakers in your relationships? career? family? aspirations?