I hadn’t even been home for 12 hours before I got my first complaint from my mom. I called her at work to ask her a question. The conversation took an unexpected turn. She started with “I have a few concerns.” In my mind I’m thinking what the hell did I do already? So being the sweet daughter I am, I said “what’s up, mom?” She said “did you leave the dining room chair out?”
What, lady? You are concerned about a chair being pulled out. I promise, she was serious as a heart attack. Let me show you exactly what her “concern” looks like.
She said it was bothering her all morning and she can’t live like that all summer.
A chair. A chair is my mother’s deal breaker.
Well, it made me think about what are my deal breakers in life. What are the things I absolutely cannot go for? I think it’s important to have those deal breakers. Whether it’s in a relationship, a job, a job search, or even buying a car, you should always be prepared with a list of deal breakers. It reminds me of the second years job searching. In the beginning many of them were restricted to certain jobs, institution types, regions, benefits…their deal breakers. However, once April and May rolled around, those deal breakers started to go away. Of course, life throws you curveballs and you have to adjust as necessary, but what are those things that are non-negotiable?
For my mother, me not pushing the chair in all summer is a non-negotiable. Would she put me out? Well, I don’t know about all that, but she was passionate about it enough to say no way Jose.
I guess with every juncture in our life we set some expectations and hopes of what to get out of it. With that comes those deal breakers. I think it’s important to create realistic deal breakers and stick to them. Not everything can be a deal breaker, but it is worth having some to be able to say in the words of my friend Patrick Jones, “I can’t, I won’t.”
Breaking a deal breaker doesn’t necessarily mean walking away, but maybe evaluating the situation and your expectations and determining if that is truly your “fit.”
I hate when any partner of mine burps in front of me. I’ve told every partner in my past that. Is that an unrealistic deal breaker? Hmm probably. But, lying…oh that’s an automatic deal breaker because I know that I already struggle with trust. From the birth of that lie on, it would be difficult for me to believe anything else. That would be too uncomfortable for me to sustain a healthy relationship…equal signs deal breaker.
What are your deal breakers in your relationships? career? family? aspirations?